You can't teach a hungry child.

I was sitting in front of my PC while thinking what my blog post for this week would be. I started eating a banana but all I really want was a toasted chicken mayo Panini. It was terrible; I could hardly concentrate on my daily Facebook stalking. I was starving! Then my mind travelled back to an ad for the Peninsula School Feeding Association that I saw a few weeks ago. The foolish feeling that it invoked swallowed the hunger. Damn first world problems. It seems guilt may be an affective diet choice for me.

The Peninsula School Feeding Association was founded 55 years ago in order to provide meals to children in primary, secondary and special needs schools in the Western Cape who can't afford it. Their adverts ask for donations to help insure that school children don't have to think about their next meal, but about the schoolwork they are supposed to be doing so that they can better their lives for the future

Peninsula School Feeding Association: Pear, Drumstick and Banana by Draft FCB Cape Town

The Peninsula School Feeding Association ad campaign touches upon a pressing problem in South African schools: hungry children. This ad series shows an almost blank exam pad page, the lines are curved in order to look like an outline of a pear, a banana and a chicken drumstick respectively. Below the drawings is a line of hand-written text saying "It's all they can think about". The body copy reads: Concentrating on schoolwork is impossible when the only thing on your mind is your next meal. You can help! Your donation will feed hungry children, allowing them to reach their full potential. Visit www.psfa.org.za to find out more.

The creatives who came up with this ad were trying to put us in the position of the hungry school child by featuring a very well-known sight from all of our school days, a blank exam pad. We have all faced this terrifying blue-lined expanse of whiteness more than once in our lives. The reason for ours being blank however was probably not because we didn't have enough money to feed ourselves but because we had stayed up too late the night before or we were suffering from a sugar crash from our Nutella slathered croissant breakfast. Never the less we can all relate to the blank page on a superficial level.

The curved blue lines that make up the food outlines almost look like a mirage. I know when I am craving something I see it everywhere; in tree bark, clouds, freckle formations, everywhere. Cravings are distracting and consuming and can get in the way of a great manner of things. Unfortunately for these children the distraction isn't going to disappear after they tuck into the hearty lunch mommy packed for them. I think the words written below work very well in cursive as it helps with the school vibe that they are trying to create.

The ad is pretty emotive and makes my problems seem pretty trivial. I think that the way they have executed this ad is eye catching because it is uncluttered and simple while still interesting enough to keep reading on to the body copy.

I am proud to see that these ads were created by Cape Town based agency Draft FCB. One day I hope to contribute my brain matter to important campaigns like this one.

On another note, I definitely have a new-found respect for my banana

No, I don't want a glass of milk, you insensitive asshat.

Remember the milk mustache trend of the 90's from the most iconic campaign of that decade: "Got Milk?" ? The ad campaign started in 1993 and was made by Goodby Silverstein and Partners for the California Milk Processor Board to increase milk sales. Must be because all the Cali' hippies started drinking soy.

Over the years they have featured a ton of print ads featuring celebrities with ultra sexy milk mustaches coupled with reasons why they drink milk. This lazy, yet somehow ingenious campaign is supposed to make you get a sudden lactose craving, drop your healthy milk equivalent and stock up on mucous-inducing bovine mammary discharge (in other words, milk).Don't get me wrong, it was incredibly successful campaign and helped milk sales reach an all time high.

These days they have changed their strategy somewhat and have introduced ads that use more than two words to sell their product. Their brave new campaign lovingly dubbed Everything I Do is Wrong is based around the delicate topic of pre-menstural tension (there's a reason sanitary product ads are evasively euphemistic). It describes how studies have shown that the calcium in milk can reduce PMS symptoms. They try to make it humorous by addressing the ad to the men in women's lives, on the grounds that men are not the only ones affected by the unfortunate reality that is PMS. Bold move guys.

The ads feature on billboards, posters and banner ads. They show men with nervous, sheepish almost concerned looks on their faces, clutching boxes of milk as a peace offering. The headlines include:

• "I'm sorry I listened to what you said and not what you meant."
• "We can both blame myself."
• "I'm sorry for the thing or things I did or didn't do."
• "I apologize for not reading between the right lines.
• "Let's both agree to disagree with me."

Here are a few examples:

And my personal favorite:

Groups of women, sometimes called feminatzis, have loudly protested against these ads citing them as hugely sexist and unfair. They go on to emphasise that females are the ones who have to experience cramps, shitty mood swings and childbirth in order for anyone to even exist and do not deserve to be mocked for it. Thanks to these ladies and their caterwauling the campaign had to be pulled, which in my opinion may have been a bit of a radical move.

I had to sift through my own conflicting thoughts before I came to a conclusion about how I actually felt about these ads. On the one hand I find the actual ads quite attractive. They are shot with nice lighting, have complementary colour schemes and their typography isn't half bad either. At first glance I found them mildly humorous and the truth is- human bio-chemistry can be funny, shouldn't we learn to laugh at it?

Women and men that have lived with women  can attest to the fact that there is a modicum of truth in the campaigns insight. I can admit that for a few days every 28days I am slightly irrational, I feel uncomfortable and unfortunately it is all out of my control. However I am not the raging gun slingin' psychopath that some men make PMSing women out to be. The last thing I want when I am feeling like regurgitated death is to be teased about it.

The worst part about these ads is the weak science behind them. Dairy is not the worlds worst food group but it is not good for you either, especially if you are an adult. In fact lots of women feel that it makes them feel worse during their period, this is because we are all lactose intolerant, just in varying degrees.For diet conscious woman it is interesting to note that milk contains a lot of calories (even skim milk has a high carb count)and the vitamins are added during processing. Ok yes, it has calcium, but so do leafy greens and they have WAY less hormones in them. Anyway if I am going to ingest milk during my time of the month, it will be in chocolate slab form.

I then got to thinking about the target market. Guess who does most of the household shopping? That's right- women, in fact 80% of the consumer market is made up of women. Now do you really think that a woman is going to feel compelled to buy more milk to quell her PMS symptoms because of a slightly offensive ad campaign so blatantly aimed at men? No! Wake up and smell the coffee that your mother just made you and figure out a way to move beyond gender stereotypes.

Offensive or not it is just an example of lazy humour reminiscent of Two and a Half Men. It  mocks popular stereotypes instead of coming up with new witty material. Granted it does it quite well but that does not shadow the fact that many women will not find this funny and may go to extensive lengths NOT to buy milk just to stick it to the milk industry. Especially if it's their time of the month. Come on advertisers, we can do better as an industry.

Hell, maybe I am over thinking. A lot of people find some blatantly offensive jokes funny, think Family Guy and mildly racist jokes. People do in fact have a sense of humour about things that are meant to be a bit insulting. I just don't think it really spoke to the primary milk consumers which happen to be women and instead alienated them. So yes it was funny, but did it accomplish its goal of making more people buy milk? Besides men teasing their vulnerable PMSing women? Probably not.

Example of mildly racist Family Guy humour that people find funny.

A message for boyfriends everywhere (including my own): If you offer me carton of milk when I am PMSing I am likely to shove it where the sun don't shine. Milk won't help your situation. However if you came home with a few tubs of ice-cream, that might work.

Hyundai gives its own ad the chop.

 

Pipe Job by Innocean for Hyundai

"So Larry, What do you think is the best way to get people emotionally invested in our new product? Well Sam, suicide certainly provokes emotion. Why don't we give that a bash? It can't hurt, lets try it out".

This is the type of ignorant and tactless conversations that I can see Innocean (Hyundai's ad agency) having when trying to come up with an ad for the new Hyundai ix35. This new car emits water vapor as opposed to harmful carbon monoxide gas making it a "greener" option for consumers. Now why, pray tell couldn't they have gone with a more "save the trees" instead of a "slit my wrists" sort of a theme? Are they trying to be edgy? Become more popular? Well done Hyundai! You have successfully grabbed the attention of millions of YouTube viewers around the world. Unfortunately most of those viewers are outraged and pledge to never buy a Hyundai- but hey, all publicity is good publicity right?

 Their crude attempt at dark humour starts off with a shot of the front of a very ordinary house in the day time. It switches to a garage scene where a middle aged man, an easily identified father figure, is on his knees. We hear him duct taping something and the camera follows a pipe until it becomes clear that he is about  to attempt suicide by gassing himself in his car. We see the man looking into the camera which is shooting from the position of the pipe, he seems fearful yet resolute in his decision. The camera then switches to the point of view of the man and we see gas starting to come out of the hose attached to the window. We then see a front on shot of the man who is preparing himself for his last moments. He takes a deep breath in, closes his eyes and then opens them, emotion twinkling in his eyes. The camera focuses on the view in front of the windscreen, the last things he will ever see. He closes his eyes, welcoming inevitable death from asphyxiation. And here's the funny part guys....he doesn't die! The next shot shows the same front of house scene at night, the garage lights switch on and the doors open showing the man defeatedly walking out as the steam disappears into the night. Queue Hyundai's tagline which pops up boasting about it's new vehicle's "100% water emissions"

 The point? Hyundai ix35 doesn't emit Carbon monoxide, only water so he can't kill himself. HILARIOUS!

The Korean car giant was forced to pull the ad only a week after it went viral, mostly due to an incredibly powerful blog post by Holly Brockwell, a London based blogger and ad exec. Her blog read in the form of an open letter to our ingenious friends at Innocean and Hyundai. The letter includes describes her experience of her fathers suicide and how the ad effected her. She even includes her fathers suicide letter which drives her point home further.

"As an advertising creative, I would like to congratulate you on achieving the visceral reaction we all hope for. On prompting me to share it on my Twitter page and my blog. I would not like to congratulate you on making me cry for my dad … When your ad started to play, and I saw the beautifully-shot scenes of taped-up car windows with exhaust feeding in, I began to shake. I shook so hard that I had to put down my drink before I spilt it. And then I started to cry. I remembered looking out of the window to see the police and ambulance, wondering what was happening. I remember mum sitting me down to explain that daddy had gone to sleep and would not be waking up, and no, he wouldn't be able to take me to my friend’s birthday party next week. No, he couldn’t come back from heaven just for that day, but he would like to if he could. I remember finding out that he had died holding my sister’s soft toy rabbit in his lap. "

Hyundai responded by pulling the ad, sacking the creators of the ad and giving an apology.

"Hyundai Motor deeply and sincerely apologizes for the offensive viral ad.

The ad was created by an affiliate advertising agency, Innocean Europe, without Hyundai’s request or approval. It runs counter to our values as a company and as members of the community. We are very sorry for any offense or distress the video caused.

More to the point, Hyundai apologizes to those who have been personally impacted by tragedy."

Too little too late perhaps? The actual humour lies in the fact that they were very excited about this ad and the fact that it was named Ad of the Week by The Drum - a well-thought-of U.K marketing magazine. The Guardian even highlighted the ad as one to watch out for. Even FUNNIER is the fact that this is not even an original ad concept, VW, Audi, Citroen and General Motors have also made extremely similar ads that were banned almost immediately after they went public.

I have had a couple of people I know and love kill themselves and it is a hell of a thing to get over. The man in the ad acts incredibly well which makes it so much worse to to watch. I watched the advert over and over and all I could see was Ryk and Dane during their last moments, struggling to come to terms with what they were about to do. This ad makes light of suicide and completely disregards the family and friends of suicide victims, not to mention people contemplating suicide themselves.

Robert Gebbia, the executive director for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention explains has said: "We know from research that graphic depictions of suicide in the media can inadvertently lead to further suicides, a phenomenon known as cantagion. This advertisement was particularly graphic and potentially dangerous." He goes on to say that he hopes that advertisers and companies realise that suicide is a worldwide health problem that claims more than 1 million lives each year which takes an enormous toll on friends, family, co workers and entire communities and it should not be a topic used to sell products.

When I first started thinking about this ad I found it not only disturbing but counter-productive on two levels.
Firstly they have just informed a bunch of depressed people that if they ever want to successfully kill themselves they shouldn't buy a Hyundai. They have also associated Hyundai with depression and suicide attempts which will also turn off potential buyers. By creating this ad they have successfully alienated two groups of buyers- those who are likely to commit suicide and those who aren't. Millions of dollars on advertising wasted.

Or is it? To be fair we all now know about the fuel tech of their new SUV, I am even writing a blog about it. Eventually the hubbub will die down and people will forget why they were offended as they did with the other car ads with the same theme. Everyone will move on to the next issue, but Hyundai will still stick in the back of their minds.

Mission accomplished, but at what moral cost?


If you or someone you know are in a bad place and need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to call Lifeline. Hotline: 0861 322 322

Say YES to Salad.

My teacher told us to "do something (we) have never done before and blog about it". She told us about last year’s students who spent a day with a drug dealer in a township, attended a mosque and other such out-of-the-box endeavors. It made me contemplate my bucket list and I realised that all of my options, such as finding my biological father, mastering a martial art, shaking George Lucas's hand or adopting a child would  require more money and time than I could afford to spare. I had recently made a life changing decision to do a master cleanse that resulted in me not eating for 12 days. I realised that I could blog about that and my decision to change my lifestyle for the better.

In 2012 I suffered from kidney stones  and temporary kidney failure that forced me to stay in hospital for two and a half weeks. I was attempting a career in yachting in Spain at the time which meant that the kidney stone could not rear its god-awful, painfully-ugly head at a worse time. In the end I had to come back to South Africa because my hospital stay had got in the way of my job opportunities and my visa had expired.

Kidney-stones unfortunately run in my family. My over-zealous love for salt on everything, including watermelon, does not help my predisposition to this awful ailment. My uncle, another kidney stone sufferer, had done a cleanse that had changed his life and outlook on food. He explained how the cleanse could loosen and eradicate any stones in my kidneys as well as helping every single health issue that I had every experienced. He also told me how his cravings of sugar, dairy and meat naturally dissipated. He got back in touch with his bodies needs and began craving (and enjoying) healthy food. This is what really got me excited because at that point I had never eaten a single salad in my life. 

I bought the Mastercleanse kit and promised myself that myself that I would start my journey to health on January the first (what a joke). Fast forward 5 months to the point that I actually got off my ass and took my health back into my own hands. A contributing factor could  be the fact that my boyfriend is a photographer and I was sick of asking him to delete pictures that I thought made me look a little Jabba-the-Hut-esque. In the words of Bridgette Jones: "Sometimes you need to sink into a toxic fat envelopment in order to emerge, phoenix-like, from the chemical wasteland as a purged and beautiful Michelle Pfeiffer figure".

Please don't get me wrong, I didn't choose to do the  Mastercleanse in order to starve myself down to a size zero. I simply wanted to embark on a journey of health and when one is healthy and has a few kilo's to lose then weight-loss is inevitable.In fact the Mastercleanse only lets you lose weight until you are at a healthy weight, if you are underweight you will find that you gain weight on the cleanse. In the past I have had weight issues and I have worked really hard to overcome them. I no longer want to be reminiscent of a stick but rather a toned and trim pole.

It can be hard for a woman to think that she is beautiful. Sometimes the fact that you were maybe the "fat kid" in class has created scars that have never really left you. Maybe all the women in your family are obsessed with dieting and don't have one good thing to say about how they look. Maybe someone you once loved had a nasty habit of pointing out your imperfections or didn't really pay much attention when you did make an effort. Maybe you had an eating disorder at some stage and while you were in your own personal hell people commented on how healthy and skinny you were. Maybe you just think that all the models and actresses looks are actually attainable and you beat yourself up when you can't make yourself look like they do.

All I know is that when I have children I want to show them that I love my body for what it does for me and teach them to love their bodies too. I want to work up to the point where I will believe it for myself and help other beautiful people believe it about themselves too and that is why I chose my new-found journey to health.But I digress.

On the last day before my cleanse I ate a light chicken and rice dish and savored every single bite, knowing that this was my last supper- for the next 12 days at least! I ended off my evening with my laxative tea (unfortunately TMI is inevitable in this particular blog post) dreaming of the days post cleanse where I would have boundless energy, a reduced waistline and clear radiant skin.

The fact that I chose to start on the Easter weekend was both a blessing and a curse. The fact that I wouldn't be able to eat myself into early onset diabetes was awesome. However, being alone and (although I am not religious) not eating over such a festive family, friends and food holiday period was quite emotionally taxing at times. This was hard because I usually eat my feelings...with a side of  ice cream. I missed going out to braai's and going to gigs but I knew my temporary isolation was for the greater good.

50 years ago,Stanley Burroughs came up with the Mastercleanse. It was originally made to eliminate stomach ulcers but over the years it became apparent that it was an incredible cleanse that helped to promote overall health. Stanley once said in his book 'The Master Cleanser':

"The basic cause [of disease] is the habits of improper diet, inadequate exercise [and] negative mental attitudes...which combine to produce toxic conditions and malfunction of our bodies. The elimination of the cause of illness is the obvious and only way to healing and health."

The basic concept behind the cleanse is that all illnesses, from colds to cancer, are caused by toxins that form because of  improper diet, inadequate exercise and negative mental attitudes. The elimination of these toxins is the obvious and most effective way to health and healing. When you eat three meals a day your body uses all it's energy to digest the food. This means that it can't address other issues that may be more important to your long term health thus creating a backlog of ailments and ignoring long standing health issues

During the cleanse you can't eat any solids and you can only drink laxative tea, spring water, your daily salt water flush (gag) and the famous "lemonade" concoction. The body's main function is to break down and liquify food for assimilation. The reason that the cleanse calls for no solids is so that the digestive system is almost completely shut down. This is crucial for the cleanse as it gives our bodies a chance to shift it's focus to internal 'housekeeping'. Energy is now diverted from the digestive system and is put to better use detoxifying and cleaning out the body. Enzymes that usually spend nearly all of their time digesting can now be put to work on cleansing and rebuilding your body at a cellular level.

 The "lemonade" is made up of 30mls fresh lemon juice (half a lemon, preferably organic), 30mls Grade B  maple syrup, one tenth of a teaspoon cayenne pepper and 240mls spring water. 

The ingredients that make up the lemonade are very specific and each play a very important part of the cleanse. The grade B maple syrup acts as your bodies fuel and is very different from the maple syrup that we slather over our waffles. Grade B it is rich with vitamins and minerals and ensures that you have enough energy throughout the cleanse. The lemon juice and cayenne pepper alkalise your body and help to break up and loosen waste and mucous in the colon and other areas of the body. All the dead and diseased tissue is broken down and either reused or removed as mucous is cleared from the lungs and sinuses. Impacted wasted is loosened and cleared from the colon, toxins are mobilised for elimination and (my personal favorite process:) fat is recycled into energy. Damaged organs are repaired during this healing process and the immune system is invigorated.

Now you might be wondering how your body can eliminate anything without fiber. Well kids, that's the 'fun' part of Mr Burrough's Mastercleanse!- said no cleanser ever. Your body must now flush the loosened waste out of your system in order to clear the colon so that your body does not sink into toxic shock. The daily salt water flush is made up of two teaspoons salt to one liter water that has to be consumed in under 20 minutes. This concoction is not registered as either food or water because it has the same consistency as blood and as such, goes straight through your system. This results in having to set up camp in the bathroom for about 30 minutes. The salt water flush was hands-down the hardest part of my cleanse but became easier as the days went by. As the cleanse progresses the internal organs are rejuvenated and a myriad of long standing health issues begin resolving themselves. This results in effective and efficiently running organs. 

Before the cleanse I was terrified at the thought of being constantly hungry but to my astonishment this was not such an issue. Sure, I was psychologically hungry especially since I was spending all my free time writing an article on fast food brands for school. Never the less I found these cravings passed quite quickly. I will admit to being obsessed with smells. My boyfriend got quite freaked out when I insisted on taking long languorous nosefulls of his food. I will attribute this to the cleanse which is notorious for re-awakening the senses, I noticed a marked improvement in my eyesight too.

It got to the point where I enjoyed not having to make food and in truth, I had more energy during my cleanse than I can ever remember. A lot of cleansers complain about aches and pains returning to old injury sites but that is just the body re-addressing its old problems. For some the cleanse can be hellish due to detox symptoms which vary from person to person. Coffee drinkers can get an unbearable headache on the first and second days because of caffiene withdrawals, other people experience nausea and stomach cramps. I only experienced my skin breaking out in my body's attempt to force out all the toxic gunk. Oh yes, and a lovely little kidney stone on the last day which hurt like all hell but thankfully only lasted 45 minutes.


I decided to stop on day twelve but there is nothing stopping you from continuing the cleanse for 20 or even 40 days if your ailments are more severe than just a not-so-healthy lifestyle. The longest recorded cleanse was 385 days with no ill effects.


Besides a couple of uncomfortable detox symptoms I thoroughly enjoyed the process and I now actively enjoy foods hat I had never even heard of before like Bok choy and Canellini beans!  My energy levels are higher and although I am not yet a 'tight, trim pole', I have lost centimeters all over my body. Most importantly I have eradicated a kidney stone that could have kept growing and caused more havoc. I will definitely do this cleanse again and recommend it for anyone seeking health and freedom from their ailments.

Next healthy endeavor: exercise!