No, I don't want a glass of milk, you insensitive asshat.

Remember the milk mustache trend of the 90's from the most iconic campaign of that decade: "Got Milk?" ? The ad campaign started in 1993 and was made by Goodby Silverstein and Partners for the California Milk Processor Board to increase milk sales. Must be because all the Cali' hippies started drinking soy.

Over the years they have featured a ton of print ads featuring celebrities with ultra sexy milk mustaches coupled with reasons why they drink milk. This lazy, yet somehow ingenious campaign is supposed to make you get a sudden lactose craving, drop your healthy milk equivalent and stock up on mucous-inducing bovine mammary discharge (in other words, milk).Don't get me wrong, it was incredibly successful campaign and helped milk sales reach an all time high.

These days they have changed their strategy somewhat and have introduced ads that use more than two words to sell their product. Their brave new campaign lovingly dubbed Everything I Do is Wrong is based around the delicate topic of pre-menstural tension (there's a reason sanitary product ads are evasively euphemistic). It describes how studies have shown that the calcium in milk can reduce PMS symptoms. They try to make it humorous by addressing the ad to the men in women's lives, on the grounds that men are not the only ones affected by the unfortunate reality that is PMS. Bold move guys.

The ads feature on billboards, posters and banner ads. They show men with nervous, sheepish almost concerned looks on their faces, clutching boxes of milk as a peace offering. The headlines include:

• "I'm sorry I listened to what you said and not what you meant."
• "We can both blame myself."
• "I'm sorry for the thing or things I did or didn't do."
• "I apologize for not reading between the right lines.
• "Let's both agree to disagree with me."

Here are a few examples:

And my personal favorite:

Groups of women, sometimes called feminatzis, have loudly protested against these ads citing them as hugely sexist and unfair. They go on to emphasise that females are the ones who have to experience cramps, shitty mood swings and childbirth in order for anyone to even exist and do not deserve to be mocked for it. Thanks to these ladies and their caterwauling the campaign had to be pulled, which in my opinion may have been a bit of a radical move.

I had to sift through my own conflicting thoughts before I came to a conclusion about how I actually felt about these ads. On the one hand I find the actual ads quite attractive. They are shot with nice lighting, have complementary colour schemes and their typography isn't half bad either. At first glance I found them mildly humorous and the truth is- human bio-chemistry can be funny, shouldn't we learn to laugh at it?

Women and men that have lived with women  can attest to the fact that there is a modicum of truth in the campaigns insight. I can admit that for a few days every 28days I am slightly irrational, I feel uncomfortable and unfortunately it is all out of my control. However I am not the raging gun slingin' psychopath that some men make PMSing women out to be. The last thing I want when I am feeling like regurgitated death is to be teased about it.

The worst part about these ads is the weak science behind them. Dairy is not the worlds worst food group but it is not good for you either, especially if you are an adult. In fact lots of women feel that it makes them feel worse during their period, this is because we are all lactose intolerant, just in varying degrees.For diet conscious woman it is interesting to note that milk contains a lot of calories (even skim milk has a high carb count)and the vitamins are added during processing. Ok yes, it has calcium, but so do leafy greens and they have WAY less hormones in them. Anyway if I am going to ingest milk during my time of the month, it will be in chocolate slab form.

I then got to thinking about the target market. Guess who does most of the household shopping? That's right- women, in fact 80% of the consumer market is made up of women. Now do you really think that a woman is going to feel compelled to buy more milk to quell her PMS symptoms because of a slightly offensive ad campaign so blatantly aimed at men? No! Wake up and smell the coffee that your mother just made you and figure out a way to move beyond gender stereotypes.

Offensive or not it is just an example of lazy humour reminiscent of Two and a Half Men. It  mocks popular stereotypes instead of coming up with new witty material. Granted it does it quite well but that does not shadow the fact that many women will not find this funny and may go to extensive lengths NOT to buy milk just to stick it to the milk industry. Especially if it's their time of the month. Come on advertisers, we can do better as an industry.

Hell, maybe I am over thinking. A lot of people find some blatantly offensive jokes funny, think Family Guy and mildly racist jokes. People do in fact have a sense of humour about things that are meant to be a bit insulting. I just don't think it really spoke to the primary milk consumers which happen to be women and instead alienated them. So yes it was funny, but did it accomplish its goal of making more people buy milk? Besides men teasing their vulnerable PMSing women? Probably not.

Example of mildly racist Family Guy humour that people find funny.

A message for boyfriends everywhere (including my own): If you offer me carton of milk when I am PMSing I am likely to shove it where the sun don't shine. Milk won't help your situation. However if you came home with a few tubs of ice-cream, that might work.