“I do so much for this person, I listen to them and I am
here when they need me. I am nice and I make an effort but they don’t
notice me and just want to be my friend. All (insert gender here) suck.”
I see variations of this comment very often, the internet is
full of friend zone references. There are forums dedicated to it, memes
outlining the pure injustice of it all and many WikiHelp articles telling us
how to GTFO* of this dreaded purgatory-like state and into the arms/heart/bed of
that special someone. As such, the friend zone has become steeped in negative
connotations.
As a woman that has both been ‘friend zoned’ more than once
in her life and as someone who has had to friend zone quite a few men lately, I
would like to say that this mentality is frankly quite pathetic. So you got
rejected by someone? Yes it hurts, but we all go through it and is it really
their fault for not being attracted to you? Oh, so they want to be your friend
because they actually care about you? What a shitty thing for them to do!
 |
| This meme is called Friend Zone Fiona. The top caption typically shows something that someone would say to their love interest and then contrasted by the bottom line that shows that she is actually just a friend. It is a passive aggressive way for men (women have other memes) to bitch about how unfair the friend zone is. I personally think that these men should pull up their big boy pants and see that this chick actually sounds like a pretty legit friend. |
Pop culture describes the ‘friend zone’ as a platonic
relationship where one person wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual
relationship while the other doesn’t. It is generally considered to be a rather
lamentable situation by the one that wants more (and let’s face it, unrequited
love always is pretty lamentable). The term 'friend zone' was coined by the writers of Friends way back in 1994 in an episode called 'The Blackout' where Joey refers to Ross as "The mayor of the friend zone" when describing his relationship with Rachel. As someone who has been a fan of the gang from Central Perk since I was 8, I am forced to forgive the writers since I am convinced that they didn't know what they were starting.
I am not denying that there are many selfish people who intentionally
lead you on so that they can keep you around to stroke their ego, those people
are douche-bags and you are better off far away from them. I am not wasting my energy talking
about them.
Some men and women who claim to be in the friend zone believe
that they are entitled to relationship because they have been kind and caring
and then place blame on the other person for not wanting a relationship. What
crap is that? Everyone has a right to choice in that situation. There should be
no pressure or feelings of obligation to return those feelings. Similarly, if
someone does say no to you, it doesn’t make them an awful person- especially if
you two are supposedly friends.
 |
Here is an example of the negative ranting about this
dreaded friend zone that is littered throughout the Web.
(as seen on Urban Dictionary).
|
There are so many reasons that someone may not want to start
a romantic or sexual relationship with you and surprisingly enough, some of
those reasons aren’t even personal. Sometimes people are going through issues
and actually cannot deal with the thought of being in a relationship, or maybe
they are looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend to play a different role than
the one you can provide (or maybe you should just stop wearing that ultra-lame
fedora).
I love my male friends. I have held them through the worst
times, listened to every girl problem under the sun and will do nearly anything
for them without expecting anything in return. Assuming or wanting sex to
happen with a friend show that your motives are not friendship based and maybe
you should re-evaluate your view of what being friends actually means. If you
don’t want to be in someone’s friend zone then DON’T be their friend.
Friendship is a beautiful gift; the friend zone is a choice.
I apologise if I come off sounding a bit harsh but I am sick
of guys and girls complaining about being ‘put in the friend zone’. If we
didn’t ‘friend-zone’ most men/women then we would all be considered Slutty
mcWhoresons and we wouldn’t have many friends.
 |
| It could be for the best. Who wants to be with someone that doesn't want to be with them? |
Now don’t get me wrong, I know it is hard and heart breaking
to be passed over as a romantic interest. I have done my time in a thought
prison built on “what ifs” (this is coming from a girl who has read 'He's Just Not That Into You' about 10 times). But I think there comes a time where one needs to
cut out for the sake of self-preservation. Maybe downgrade your ‘friend’ status
to that of an acquaintance- your ‘friend’ could be offended or confused by your
actions but you can’t control how you feel just like they can’t control how
they feel and you can explain it to them if needs be.
Also consider the fact that you are tying up your feelings
by staying friends with someone who doesn’t want anything more. You could
possibly be passing up the opportunity of developing another relationship with
someone who is going to give you what you deserve by staying in this victim-like
state. Do you really want to be filled with jealousy and frustration when you
see him/her enjoying life with someone else? Nope? Didn’t think so.
*Get the fuck out
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